"Clinger"

How I see the world:
I believe in commitment, I believe in marriage, and I also believe in stating over-when the occasion calls for it. Like a new job, new place, life changing events. I believe in order, I think you need to complete one thing before moving on to the next. I think that things happen for a reason and that you should never rush into anything. Things that are meant to last will and things that are rushed seem to fall apart more quickly. I chase after my own dreams and fit people into my life where I see fit not the other way around.

The History:
Betty is always searching for "the guy" or "a guy" whichever fits the situation. Online, at bars, drving around town-her man-radar is always on. I've never quite found anyone who is more obsessed with finding a mate than she is. Her live revolves around men, its in every conversation, action, thought. Its overwhelming to always hear about a "new guy" I call her "Clinger"

What the situation is:
Betty is now dating a married man, who is currently living in another state with his wife (you did read that correctly, wife, not ex) whom she's actually only spent 2 days with physically.

How they met?
Facebook. Over some poker game, and apparently innocent flirting-which, lets be honest, is almost never innocent, has led them into this relationship apparently. They met in the middle in Alabama at some hotel, and spent the weekend at the park and all of that jazz. I would be hesitant driving over 9 hours to meet some guy I didn't know from Adam. Apparently it's worked out......

The Red Flags:
He is MARRIED
Which I understand has little or no weight in most decisions involving infidelity these days. He is also living with his family, wife, kid, dog...sounds like it is more than likely a happy family. I wonder if his wife knows he isn't happy? I am pretty certain she doesn't know her husband has a girlfriend in another state.

If he did it to her, he will do it to you.
You can't be naive to think that you are different. If he did it to a family he has built a life for & with, you could be next

He is jumping from one failed relationship into another
Makes me think that he doesn't communicate well and doesn't know how to compromise. I see it as "This is broken, let me go find someone new"

Moving in together.
If he is willing to leave his kids for you, you can't expect him to be loyal to you. That is family, it is blood, you're just the new thing. Eventually he might get tired of the new "toy"

The Secret.
He has shown you he can keep a relationship secret with you. You do understand that now its just going to be easier in the future to do this to say, you perhaps, right?

You spend all your time with him
By with- I mean calling/texting/emailing ect. You are pushing your support system away. No one wants to be with a friend who is overly obsessed with the new "toy" in her life. Sure we all want to be happy for you, but be in the moment. Put your phone down and enjoy time with your friends. How would you feel if it was constantly done to you all the time? You'd hate it and find it rude-understand your actions and how they affect people around you.

The Pattern.
Lets call a spade a spade shall we? If its not "this guy" its "that one" or "the other one" its always "someone" which speaks volumes on how you handle things-you need a partner. I wonder if its just the attention or affection that you are yearning for and whoever "guy" is at the time, can play the part.

The Distance.
Can you really ever get a sense of who someone is by what they say? The answer is NO, you can't. That's why long distance relationships always seem to last, you never have anything to fight about other than the "you didn't call me back" thing. You need to actually physically be around someone to understand them, who they are what they're like and most importantly, how they treat you. Moving to another state to live with someone you've spent less than 48 hours with is a hell of a gamble.


The Wrap-up.
This is nothing but a time bomb waiting to explode. I believe in order get things straight first, then move on to the next thing in life. There are far too many red flags that are apparent to move past (to me) People can tell you everything you want to hear. Promise you the moon and the stars, and eternity, but when it comes down to it, Can they deliver it? Are you willing to take that gamble? Risk it all?


*Names changed to avoid confrontation